I always lived under the impression that others were looking out for me, that I was protected. Whether it was my Doctor, friends, family, I believed in the institutions of honor and truth, respect and hard work. Then one day I got sick, the next day sicker, and from then on went downhill. I searched for answers and thought being a Registered Nurse I would have access to the best medical advice. After all I had been in the field for 36 years helping others get well, right?
Soon I would find the only thing Western Medicine offered for me was pills and diagnosis's to create a permanent label with no hope. I went down the path of X-Rays, MRI's, Surgery, and Prescription Medications with no improvement. I went to see some of the best specialists but came up empty with them all saying, "Your Blood work looks perfect." I soon realized even though I was standing in front of them I was not being looked at. Have you ever felt like you were invisible even though present in the room with some people?
I quickly learned who I could count on and who could care less about me, much less my illness. I had friends disappear, family leave, I just quit being included, I stopped getting phone calls, people went on with their lives and I was left behind. The emotional side of illness I was not prepared for. I could handle the pain, the sleepless nights, food allergies, extreme headaches, but the toughest part of all was the extreme loss of connection. Ultimately I lost my home, my animals, my marriage, my job, my neighborhood, my friends, my town, my church, eventually I just quit counting all the loss...
I asked God for help, as He had been the only one present to hear my cries. I did not get an audible answer but I did receive the strength to begin the process of research. I sat on my bed for hours researching the Internet for health advice and blogs of others with the same symptoms. I created lists of anything that might appear to give clues to what might be wrong. I was so thankful for this technology of computers to take me in a direction of possible healing.
I would like to tell you my story, a story of discovering who I really was and what my ultimate purpose for this journey became. I want to take you on my journey of healing. Maybe you can relate to the fear of thinking you will never be able to return to vibrant health. Living in the moment seems so redundant, but that is exactly what I had to do to survive. Each step I took it became clearer what had happened and what the obstacles would be for me to get well. I knew I had to be solely responsible for the work this would take. I became a detective with the sifting of sand to look for clues at every turn: hours upon hours of research.
It all started with me looking back at my timeline since birth. Who would think drawing a physical timeline of events in my life could lead me to many answered questions. Are you needing some answers to your health questions? Follow me on, "Renee's Blog" for the detailed answers to my search in regaining life's purpose and meaning in health. What I did to build strength, direction, and hope to my broken world of loss and suffering.
I had been active my whole life, tennis team, gymnastics, horseback riding, backpacking, snow skiing, it all came to a screeching halt. My muscles ached with spasms, my hair falling out, my gut burned after eating, my brain on fire with inability to fall asleep; I was cold all the time, dizzy spells, so many crazy symptoms no one could figure out. I learned after the first year of misery, no one was coming to my rescue, no one to support me, no one to say ," I know what is going on with you and you will get better."
See Part II of Renee's Story under, "Renee's Blog"
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